My older son recently turned 6.  We didn’t have a big party for him, but he got some new toys.  Specifically, a way-to-big-for-our-house ‘Sentinel’ military plane.  Where am I supposed to put that thing?  (I hung it from the ceiing via a hook and handy carabiner clip…)

I adhore military toys. God Bless our incredibly brave soldiers that sacrifice for our country on a daily basis, but I personally am not a war-reinactment, and weapons person when it comes to children’s toys.  But alas, it was the one thing he would not let up on… So, in with the new ridiculously large plane, out with some outgrown stuff that I never cared for.

In our shoe-box house, when the kids birthdays and holidays roll around, I like to purge toys.  I did a purge in March of all our “baby toys” since the younger son turned three. Now I am faced with purge #2.  But this time it’s a little bit harder to purge big-kid toys because, well, the little one could still “grow into” them.  But that’s not the biggest problem I have.  The #1 problem with getting rid of kids stuff is their damn memories.

Does this happen in your family?  You go through bins, baskets, drawers and boxes and get rid of a bunch of useless crap and things you know for certain the children have never played with or haven’t touched in months, maybe years.  “Ahhhhh, Halleluea! It’s time to PURGE!”  It all goes to Goodwill or in the trash.  Then, this conversation happens…

“Mommmmmmmmy!  I can’t find that thing!!!”

“Uhhhh, okay?  Which thing are you talking about?  Can you describe what you are searching for?”

“You know, that white thing with the thing that’s this big,  You KNOW!!!  That thing!”

(And you, being a mom, and whom is the only person on the planet that understands your child’s non-sensical kid-speak through crafty deduction and careful attention to daily details…)

“Ohhh, you mean that tiny white Minecraft rabbit figureine with the red eyes that creeped me out and you never looked at or played with since the day you dug it out of the sand at Veteran’s Park 6 months ago?  Yea… I got rid of that.  Yesterday…”  (FRICK!)

“Noooooooo mamma!  (Sob) Oh no…  I really liked that bunny.  Why’d you throw it away?”

“Ugh.”  (Really kid? You’re killing me.)

Why does this happen?  It makes the feel good part of purging turn into insta-heartbreak.

How do they even remember those tiny bits and bobs?  Damn kid brains.  And why is it always the day AFTER you get rid of something and the trash truck has already come and gone that their incredible memories kick in?  Like a damn radar, they desperately need that very particular item like it’s a polio vaccine?

I am at a loss.  I like clutter-free.  My hands touch a very limited number of “things” on a daily basis and I don’t need the clutter!  But children are a different beast are they not? They need variety and their little hands and minds require so much… shit.  Anyone out there feel me?  How do you purge the unpurgeable?  Comments and suggestions needed.

Today, I say, continue to purge away… It’s your house.  You control what’s in it???

-K

Frickin’ LEGO sets.  I just need to get this out because I am keenly aware of my neurosis and I have to type it out and share.  My older son is a Star Wars nerd. He geeks out so much on Star Wars that sometimes I wonder if it will all be a phase, or if he will end up as one of those ‘special individuals’ that still goes to Star Wars conventions at age 40. Nothing against those people… really.  I know some (ahem, you know who you are.)  I’m just wondering what I have to look forward to.

But I digress…

Back to LEGO sets.  We have quite a few Star Wars LEGOs and their associated mini figs. Ours line up on Pinterest plagiarized frames which double as wall deco.  (Thank you Mr. C.) And the sets themselves (aka. Star Ships, Land Walkers and the like) line shelves in the kid’s room.  I know there is so much more out there. (I sadly admit we have an Amazon wish list consisting of just such Star Wars LEGO sets)  So I know we have not even scratched the surface of the disaster it could be…

When friends come over to play at our house, the first thing they seem to want to do is destroy the LEGO sets.  (Oddly, by shooting at them with Nerf Guns…) ARGH BOYS!  Can’t you just sit at a table and do homework or make a craft project???  It’s like a losing battle. I am all for creative free-building with LEGOs, but that’s why we have a whole separate bin full of blocks just for that, damn it!  I’ve resorted to “hiding” the sets before play dates, but we have so many that it’s impossible to just stash all of them under the beds or in a closet or wherever.  And because of my crazy Type A personality, I am left with gray and white bits of Rebel Fleets and Empire Destroyers that need to be reconstructed late into the night.  And I do it.  I break out the instruction booklets because I’m that freak. Forget the people that go to Star Wars conventions, I’m the true weirdo here!  I blame it on my architecture background and the all-nighters I used to pull.  By around 10PM, my husband just shakes his head and plods off to bed.

I want more than anything to Kragle this LEGO shit-pile we own. But I don’t, because then who am I?  Lord Business?

But tonight, I just might do it.  I just might break out the Krazy Glue and go to town. Because the time I waste putting LEGO sets back together could be spent elsewhere.  I could read a book on meditation.  Heck, I could just sit and actually meditate!

Meditate on how stupid it is that I care so much about LEGO sets staying intact to the point that I felt compelled to write about it.

– President Business’ alter ego

My mom kept everything.  When she passed away 8 years ago, my sister and I flew to Japan where she was living and sifted through her belongings.  The thing that amazed us the most was how much she kept from our childhoods.  The artwork stash was incredible…  Incredibly daunting that is.  I mean, she kept scraps of paper we had doodled on in labeled folders by year.

Not in my house.  Kidlette artwork gets displayed for about a month.  Then it all gets replaced by the next batch of masterpieces.  I have one corner in the kitchen that gets adorned with doodles and kid crafts.  The pieces that come home from school that are true keepers are stored in a keepsake box after they have been displayed.  The rest? It just disappears.  I appreciate the time my children spend making artful gifts.  I just don’t feel the need to keep them forever.  That’s just me.  Don’t get me wrong, every hand painted canvas and “I love you mommy” note makes my heart flutter with joy and I get that heart-eyed emoji look on my face when I receive them, but I simply don’t have the space to keep it all!  And more importantly, I don’t want my kids to have to rent a dump truck to dispose of these “treasures” when I die.  So, I keep it simple.

You should try it!  Display what you can for a while and let the new pieces replace the old.  Just let those old crafts go.  I promise once you throw the first batch away, you’ll feel less guilty about the next batch. And the one after that?  You won’t even look back.  I promise your kids won’t know the difference of what has disappeared into the abyss.

I’m currently rocking a plastic bead necklace that “goes with everything” because it’s so colorful and wondering at what point I can retire this thing without my son asking where it went…

-K